I'm 21 and still alive!

Nooooooooooo!

Was I having a nightmare or is Andy Marte back with the Indians?!

I heart Janette!

El béisbol

I, like many Tribe fans, am more than excited about the start of spring training. It means the official start of baseball season is right around the corner and for me, it can't come at a better time. I will celebrate the day there are other headlines to discuss around the MLB that doesn't involve Alex Rodriguez and steroids. Not to say that's the only thing people are talking about, but it's seriously clogging up the majority of news around baseball. I get it's a big deal and all but the fact that A-Rod was all up in Madonna for a while just makes me more annoyed to even hear his name. She's old! She's also pretty creepy now! I want A-Rod to go away because I am sick of hearing anything involving him anymore and I'm sure the news about him won't stop once the season starts and he sucks and all the Yankees fans are whining and complaining and hating him. That was a lot of "ands" but it's true.

For everyone who gets to go to Arizona this year to see the Tribe, I am extremely jealous. If I was rich I'd say "fuck school" and jet down there myself. The atmosphere seems so relaxed, despite the fact some people are playing for their jobs, but it's a great cruise into baseball season. I'm disappointed I won't be in Cleveland for the summer to go to as many games as I usually attend, but at least I'll have the Clippers now that they're the Indians farm team. Hooray!

I'm eagerly awaiting more news from Goodyear so hopefully I'll have more to praise/bitch about in the next couple of weeks. Before we know it, it'll be OPENING DAY! You'll catch me somewhere in the nosebleeds with a beer.

Insert witty title HERE.

I always get surprised when my stalker counter grows and wonder to myself how so many have accidentally stumbled upon my not so eloquent ramblings about nothing. It was supposed to be related to an actual interest of mine, but whenever I begin typing I get way off topic. I guess I have keyboard ADD. What I don't understand about Blogger is how I have 52 stalkers yet 255 profile views. Maybe it's just me and I'm not that smart, but really I don't care enough to figure it out or change my profile counter to something along the lines of tracking the amount of blog views because A. my blog is not that important and B. I don't think anyone besides my friends can grasp the sarcastic/strange/semi-lame tone of my writing. Or typing. Whatever.

I am currently at my second internship/job FUH-REEZING my fingers off even though we're in the midst of a 30 some degree HEATWAVE! I really should be working right now, but clearly I am not. Perhaps it's because I am absolutely dreading the rest of my day. After this shindig, I must report to my other internship/job which is forcing me to become one of those lame-o's who doesn't go out at night. Instead I'll probably continue my tradition of being a big wino and have a glass or two (there is NOTHING wrong with drinking by yourself, ha!) and do something unproductive like read a book for enjoyment purposes or watch a movie. The only dilemma is there are dos fiestas I am supposed to be attending and I know both hosts will be devastated if they're not graced with my presence.

How many days until Opening Day? I don't feel like counting but two months.. I think. WOO!

Is it Tribe time yet?

Watching the Steelers and Ravens game is something I know will make me angry which is why I'm currently sitting here pondering about whether or not I should bother watching it. Especially if that means going to Joey's to watch it, because his Appalachian "minority" self loves the Steelers. He also likes the Indians, something I find to be IMPOSSIBLE because how can anyone love one Cleveland sport yet betray us to love one of our enemies? I guess that's just me being a sports nazi but being a native Northeast Ohioan with the gift of the Cleveland accent, it doesn't seem right. It's like all those Michigan fans from way up north Ohio who claim they love Michigan because they're so close to the border. If you feel that way then you may as well just move there. People might find you less obnoxious. Now that I've been living in C-Bus since freshman year, I've come to deal with the fact that there are Steelers and Bengals fans everywhere and there's nothing I can do about it except wear my Browns shirt accordingly. Wearing my Browns shirt is the one time I will have the most random people start talking to me. I guess we Browns fans love to be chatty with one another because really, who else can understand the type of pain we go through?

On a happier topic, Indians Opening Day is only a few months away! Is this "next year" or will my dreams of a World Series be swallowed up yet again? As I've stated previously I'm not really sure what to expect but I'm trying to be positive about it. What I am sort of worried about is the whole Garko/Shoppach/Martinez debacle now that the Indians came to an agreement with Kelly Shoppach. Now there's talk of trying Ryan Garko in the outfield during spring training. Yes, the OUTFIELD. Are they kidding? Seriously? Now I love Ryan Garko just as much as the next chick does, but if they put his ass out there during a regular season game I will march down there and give Mr. Wedge a piece of my mind. 2008 for Garko was pretty lackluster so he needs to get his act together before we lose him to some other team where he then gets good. Ugh. Travis Hafner is someone else who I've been pissed about. Sometimes I think 2005-2006 are going to be the only phenomenal time in his career and that everything is just done with him. If he's shaky in the upcoming season again, that will probably be a good thing for Garko. Maybe they'd do some sort of DH/first base swap like they did last year. Really I feel like everyone should have been better last year even though that's probably the most obvious thing I could say. If the Indians can step it up a notch, I think we'll be fine.

Betty is having the best day ever!

Betty's away message: all birds should die

- LATER IN THE DAY -

Me: Why does Betty hate birds?
Jamal: Because a bird pooped on her head today!
Both: HAHAHAHAHA

- LATER, LATER -

SarahhhC315 (10:05:40 PM): HAHAHAHAHA

beetychong (10:13:02 PM): fuck you bitch

SarahhhC315 (11:18:09 PM): how did it happen

beetychong (11:18:32 PM): i was waiting at the bus stop on woodruff and college

beetychong (11:18:42 PM): and it just shat on my fucking head

SarahhhC315 (11:18:45 PM): HAHAHAHA

SarahhhC315 (11:18:50 PM): all in your hair?

SarahhhC315 (11:19:37 PM): what did you do after

beetychong (11:19:40 PM): there was just a little in my hair, most of it was on my book bag and fleece

SarahhhC315 (11:19:46 PM): HAHAHA

beetychong (11:19:51 PM): i went to the bathroom and washed off a patch of my hair

beetychong (11:19:52 PM): lol

SarahhhC315 (11:19:57 PM): you didn't go home?

beetychong (11:20:07 PM): and the girl who was in there before me had just shat in the bathroom so that was great

beetychong (11:20:09 PM): no, i had class

beetychong (11:20:18 PM): that's why i was waiting at the bus stop

SarahhhC315 (11:20:21 PM): lol so you want to class with bird poop all over you?

beetychong (11:20:28 PM): it wasn't all over me

SarahhhC315 (11:20:41 PM): aww

SarahhhC315 (11:20:43 PM): poor betty

SarahhhC315 (11:20:44 PM): lol

beetychong (11:20:47 PM): lol

beetychong (11:20:59 PM): there was just a little in my hair

beetychong (11:21:28 PM): but i guess there was more that i couldn't get to or something because when i put my hair down to wash it when i got home, there were brown crusties in my fucking hair

SarahhhC315 (11:21:54 PM): hahaha

beetychong (11:24:08 PM): i mean, i guess it could have been worse, it was brown runny poo instead of white slimy poo

Man Panties

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Tool Academy is the best show ever!

YOU GOTS A PUNKIN HEAD

I DECIDED THAT TODAY I'D TYPE LIKE KANYE WEST BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO HAVE A GOOD IDEA OF HOW TO BLOG WELL! HIS FORMAT IS SO GOOD AND EASY TO READ! HE REALLY IS ABLE TO GET THE POINT ACROSS WITHOUT MUCH DIFFICULTY!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE HERE FOR INSTANCE... SO ANYWAY THIS WEEKEND WAS PRETTY CHILL ESPECIALLY WITH THE COLD WEATHER AND ALL.. I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO GO OUT WHEN THE TEMP IS 15 DEGREES BUT I DID ANYWAY. SATURDAY WAS A DECADES PARTY.. I REALLY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GOING ALL OUT BUT CHRIS DID. HE LOOKED BETTER THAN FRESH PRINCE!!!!!!!!

Not really sure why Kanye does the whole CAPS thing, but I suppose he's just trying to make his words seem more important. Such a diva. I'm super late on the whole blog craze, but I keep discovering more and more humorous sites that are probably going to be detrimental to my education especially since I've realized I need to start lugging my laptop to class if I'm already feeling like my hand is going to fall off by the end of class. Even right now I should be studying or doing something productive, but unfortunately I am not. I'm sitting here.. typing.. wondering if anyone besides Rachel reads my nonsense.

Oh I also forgot what else I did this weekend. I attempted to learn the Single Ladies dance. Janette and I even watched it in slow motion to try and grasp the moves, but I still need to work on it. Perhaps next weekend I can really concentrate on mastering Beyonce's moves and possibly recruit show choir choreographer master Yuri Doolan to assist. I doubt it because I recruited him to accompany me to the RPAC and ditched him the first day we were supposed to go, haha. My ass was tired from working 8:30 to 5! I don't like having to act like an adult. It's no fun. Yuri, if you're reading this I will redeem myself. Or I'll just become like every other middle American out there and eat some barbeCOO chicken wings.

Today I realized... I'm short.

Not sure why they took their pants off during the football game, but apparently I missed some sort of tradition. If I took the time to try and understand guys, I might assume that they are all secretly in love with one another.. which I sort of think is true. I heard on Howard Stern today, because of Caroline Kennedy, that people who say "sort of" are trying to sound intelligent. I guess I was sort of trying to sound intelligent, but we all know that's not exactly the case. To get even further off topic, I want more of my friends to make blogs so I can harass them with comments, maybe even anonymous ones so they think they have stalkers. My seventh grade health teacher would have called this "hair-asment." Being the Clevelander I am, I prefer "ha-RASS-ment." Almost as if there's an ass in there somewhere because truly there is. Whoever is doing the harassing is an ass, most likely.

Anyway I can't believe Milton Bradley is getting $30 million from the Cubs. Milton Bradley reminds me of a Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears type, you never know when he might go shave his head or something. I remember the days when I thought it was so cool that Coco Crisp and Milton Bradley were on the Indians together. Cause you know, we sounded like a cereal company. I also referred to Orel Hershiser as Oreo Hersheybar as a child. Whatever. Even last year Bradley was pulling a Lohan, trying to storm up to the press box or something because he was "dissed" by some old dude announcer. I am well aware baseball is home to some divas galore (MANNY I'M TALKING TO YOU), but I like that it never seems to be as bad as football or basketball. No one has shot themselves in the leg at a club... yet. Oh yeah and the Tribe signed Carl Pavano. Taking a "chance" on him, they say. What I would like to say is must we take another chance on some injured dude who might not even deliver what we need from him? They're all like we HOPE he overcomes his injuries and can like, pitch or something. I'm not too sure what I expect from the Indians this year. At the end of every season since I graced this Earth with my presence, it's always been "next year! next year!" and then at the beginning it's "this IS next year" with some person waving this sign around on Opening Day. I'm perfectly content with the majority of our starters ie. Lee, Carmona, and Westbrook but the bullpen better get their SHIZ together. AND ENOUGH OF ANDY MARTE! He's another one we've taken 1,362 chances on.

Oh and lyke OMFGZ TAYLOR LAUTNER IS TOTES PLAYIN JACOB IN NEW MOON TWILIGHTERZ. Speaking of that tween phenomenon (and all you people I SEE on Facebook with statuses such as "OMG I'M IN LOVE WITH EDWARD CULLEN"), Edward is an example of an abusive, semi-mentally challenged vampire you would only come across in the islands of Malaysia.

I've been feeing quite hyper active lately, despite working twenty-FO seven. That crack I've been smoking must finally be working.

Are you there Sarah? It's me, Angry Buckeye Fan.

This usually is a bad thing, but right now I have the distinct honor of being able to hear exactly what is going on outside of my apartment right now. I don't know whether to blame the walls or praise myself for having dog-like hearing, but as depressed as I am right now.. so is everybody else. Luckily they are letting me know by the following ways:

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT RIGHT NOW! SERIOUSLY! GO AWAY!" - followed by the sound of someone kicking a trash can perhaps.

Various painful screams. They come and go. Hopefully it's not really someone getting murdered.

Sounds of people throwing things at the dumpster. Hope they don't light that match.

Helicopters. The Po-Po beep (police sirens if you want the exact term). Maybe an ambulance or two. You know someone is on a ledge or in the process of drinking themselves to death.

"WHAT THE FUCK! SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE FUCK!" - probably the same guy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AHHHH!" - again, hope no one is getting killed.

I suppose those are the sounds of losing. It's sad but I just have to give a big thanks to the city of Cleveland, particularly the Indians, Browns, and Cavs for buttering me up for these kinds of things. I have not once in my lifetime (excluding the Buckeyes last national title) experienced a championship in my hometown. I am so used to being disappointed that I often wonder to myself whether I'll be six feet under before my beloved Tribe wins the World Series. This is really the reason I find myself hating teams like the Yankees, cities like Boston, etc. because their fans are spoiled rotten (shut up, Boston. I don't care that you waited forever! I AM TOO!)

So.. um.. LeBron.. it's all you right now.

Vagina Shot

BOOBS

I'm one of those people that tries to act like reality television does not poison my brain, but that's a lie. I love it. Especially shows which include train wrecks, bad plastic surgery, and constant alcohol consumption. My above role model is Nikki from Rock Of Love Bus who sadly, and much to my disappointment, was kicked off the bus. I have no idea why. JUST LOOK AT HER! She's the true winner and it's even better because she says all the drugs she consumes are legal. What really set Nikki apart was when she did a shot out of another girl's vajayjay.

I worked the wrestling match this weekend. It might be my new favorite sport. What I would like to know is why I must babysit the computer when they have their own "camera person" who spent the majority of the time asking me how to use the camera.

Oh I guess there's a football game tonight or something. Against a mammal with horns. Or a skeleton head with horns. Anyway GO BUCKS!