Today I realized... I'm short.

Not sure why they took their pants off during the football game, but apparently I missed some sort of tradition. If I took the time to try and understand guys, I might assume that they are all secretly in love with one another.. which I sort of think is true. I heard on Howard Stern today, because of Caroline Kennedy, that people who say "sort of" are trying to sound intelligent. I guess I was sort of trying to sound intelligent, but we all know that's not exactly the case. To get even further off topic, I want more of my friends to make blogs so I can harass them with comments, maybe even anonymous ones so they think they have stalkers. My seventh grade health teacher would have called this "hair-asment." Being the Clevelander I am, I prefer "ha-RASS-ment." Almost as if there's an ass in there somewhere because truly there is. Whoever is doing the harassing is an ass, most likely.

Anyway I can't believe Milton Bradley is getting $30 million from the Cubs. Milton Bradley reminds me of a Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears type, you never know when he might go shave his head or something. I remember the days when I thought it was so cool that Coco Crisp and Milton Bradley were on the Indians together. Cause you know, we sounded like a cereal company. I also referred to Orel Hershiser as Oreo Hersheybar as a child. Whatever. Even last year Bradley was pulling a Lohan, trying to storm up to the press box or something because he was "dissed" by some old dude announcer. I am well aware baseball is home to some divas galore (MANNY I'M TALKING TO YOU), but I like that it never seems to be as bad as football or basketball. No one has shot themselves in the leg at a club... yet. Oh yeah and the Tribe signed Carl Pavano. Taking a "chance" on him, they say. What I would like to say is must we take another chance on some injured dude who might not even deliver what we need from him? They're all like we HOPE he overcomes his injuries and can like, pitch or something. I'm not too sure what I expect from the Indians this year. At the end of every season since I graced this Earth with my presence, it's always been "next year! next year!" and then at the beginning it's "this IS next year" with some person waving this sign around on Opening Day. I'm perfectly content with the majority of our starters ie. Lee, Carmona, and Westbrook but the bullpen better get their SHIZ together. AND ENOUGH OF ANDY MARTE! He's another one we've taken 1,362 chances on.

Oh and lyke OMFGZ TAYLOR LAUTNER IS TOTES PLAYIN JACOB IN NEW MOON TWILIGHTERZ. Speaking of that tween phenomenon (and all you people I SEE on Facebook with statuses such as "OMG I'M IN LOVE WITH EDWARD CULLEN"), Edward is an example of an abusive, semi-mentally challenged vampire you would only come across in the islands of Malaysia.

I've been feeing quite hyper active lately, despite working twenty-FO seven. That crack I've been smoking must finally be working.